Journals from my Childhood

Found these journals from my childhood from when I was age 8-9. Interesting what we think as children and what are interests are then. I found a lot of similarities in my current passions, and that’s fascinating we can be begin to formulate our interests from such a young age. I see my personality through these journals too. Funny and makes me smile.

Some observations from my childhood journals about myself:

  1. I used to love Halloween, but that changed! I now hate it. ha.
  2. I was always very detailed, observational, factual, and curious as a kid. Nothing has changed. I’m still that way.
  3. It seemed I used to reflect on things being fun and that I looked forward to the feelings and experiences of even little things in life when I was a child. I should do more of this as my journals are filled with anticipation of life from the small to the large events and are very much filled with happiness, gratefulness, and joy. I try to do this now, but it seems instinctual as a child from reading these journals. Time to slow life down.
  4. I always loved food.
  5. I did not like reading. I liked watching TV and I had a whole host of informational and fun TV shows and things for fun to do at any point. I kept busy and informed for my little self. Savored those shows. and I was proud of my knowledge I’d learn from them.
  6. I loved competition.
  7. I liked games and playing with my friends and family.
  8. I wanted it quiet to learn. And kept my little mind focused on school and good grades.
  9. I cherished all the people in my life and lived through their passions and love as being of great importance to me.
  10. I was funny and witty.
  11. I was creative.
  12. I always loved math even from age 8.
  13. I always loved music and playing instruments.
  14. I used to love drawing… what happened?

October 1996

10/01/1996 – October is Halloween. October is bow season which means hunting. October is Christopher Columbus’ birthday. And it may snow in this month. And October means only one more month until my birthday.

10/3/1996 – A pumpkin is round. It has seeds in it. A pumpkin you put out for Halloween. It is very scary. I like pumpkins because my mom makes pumpkin pie on Halloween. A pumpkin is very colorful. Pumpkins are sweet and so are you.

10/07/1996 – Trick or treat is fun. What I like the most is getting ready so I can go trick or treating. I like treat or treating with my friends. And I don’t like to stay at home on Halloween. I just can’t wait for trick or treat day. But, I’m sure a lot of children are going to have cavities. On my favorite day of the year. Halloween.

Date Unknown – On the weekend, I went to Hillsdale park. And I watched the night of the twister. On Saturday, we stayed home and watched T.V.

10/16/1996 – I am going to be a princess for Halloween. Halloween is very fun. I am getting ready for the Halloween Party. I like playing outside for recess. Yesterday night, I skated outside. It was fun. Outside I played on “something – I don’t know what!? lol And my favorite thing in school is math.

10/17/1996 – Yesterday for supper, I had a pizza and salad with Italian dressing. I asked my Mom a joke. It was how was the first pizza hamburger made? And she said, “nothing”. I said, the answer, “You put pizza hut and burger king together” Before I went to conference, my next door neighbor came over. Today, I am going to my dad’s. Probably to my grandma and grandpa’s too. My dad’s girlfriend has a nine-month baby. On November 7th, she’ll be one years old. Out for recess this morning, I’m thinking about playing on the monkey bars. They are fun, but they give me blisters on my hands.

Date Unknown – My grandpa and I played rummy last weekend, and I beat him. Rummy is fun. I look forward to doing it again. And, I went to Big Boy on Saturday night. It was sure tasty. I had a shake. And that night I went to my dad’s and played with my sister Julia.

Date Unknown – Dear Great Pumpkin, Your always out on Halloween. Your better in a pie. You come out on Halloween and you scare people. Your better than me because you scare people better than me.

Date Unknown – I like Halloween that’s the best thing in October. But, I like one other thing too. I like the Fall. And the party today, and the movie, but really I like the whole thing.

November 1996

11/5/1996 – “When I’m Tired I” – When I’m tired I get so I wont listen. One of my eye’s goes crossed-eyed. I want to go to sleep in the living room. My mom says to “go to your room and sleep”, but I don’t want to. One minute I’m asleep.

11/06/1996 – Election ’96 – Clinton won the ’96 pole. I’m glad he did. Dole was pretty close. Probably only got just a little up. I stayed up til 10 minutes to 9. I couldn’t stay up any more, but it was fun watching it.

11/11/1996 – “Weekend” – I watched T.V. I went to video connection with my friend. She spent the night. We had a great time. We watched “The Fox and the Hound”. We had ice cream. The next morning, I went to church with my friend. Friday, I went to my grandma’s. It really snowed last night. I like winter.

11/12/1996 – “Why Dolphins Call” – I like the part were the pirates turn into dolphins. If I were a pirate, I would of left the boy laying because maybe he was friend with them yet. I like that book.

11/14/1996 – One day a good was swimming the lake. He went up with a duck. That duck said, “Do you want to play hide and go seek?” Well, the good said, “Yes”. So, they played. The duck said, “Your it”. The duck hid. The goose started counting and counting. He went to look for the duck. He couldn’t find the duck. He was gone.

Date Unknown – “Turkey” – My grandma told me a true story about a turkey. One day when my grandma was working in the barn, she saw there was a tornado storm warning and the turkey was out there. It came at the end of it that the turkey was still sitting on the fence-post, but that turkey had no feathers. They were all gone.

11/18/1996 – “Weekend” – Angela went to the mall. Grandma went to the mall. I went to the mall. We all shopped together. Saturday, Santa came to the mall in Adrian at ten-o-clock a.m. I spent a night with my dad.

11/20/1996 – “Sick day” – I was sick Tuesday. I had the 24-hour-bug. I threw up in the office. I came home and went to bed and didn’t wake up until 6:00. I was hungry, but I couldn’t eat soup. I came to school. I couldn’t find the classroom.

11/22/1996 – “Talents” – I have talents at singing and drawing. I am good at playing instruments. I would like to be good at playing soccer. Sometimes, I draw sitting at the table or in my bedroom. I sing at my dad’s and at my aunts.

11/26/1996 – “Thanksgiving” – For thanksgiving my mom’s making stuffing, smashed potatoes, turkey, vegetables, pie. My mom and mines friends are coming and family’s. It’s good to celebrate Thanksgiving. A lot of people died on the mayflower. I like thanksgiving. You get food and get to see your family.

December 1996

The nutcracker was on in December last year. WE was going to walk there, but it snowed. WE got there and they gave us candy canes. We got back and we got to go somewhere again to the church. I got presents. It was fun. After that we got ice cream. And a few moments later, it was time to go home.

In a story, it said his belly when he shakes it’s like jelly. i Have seen him many times. I saw on his lap one day. I was only 3 years old and I said to him, You’re fat. He said, I eat lots of cookies every year. I like Christmas day. It is fun because you get to be with your family.

Dear Maria, For Halloween, I was a barbie. My hair color is brown. On Christmas day, I get up at about 3 o clock in the morning. We are making presents for our moms. I can’t wait to see you. Your Pen-pal, Aleesa.

The way I feel – I’m glad because we are in the first place in the coin drive. We beat Ms. Pretty’s room. But if we don’t bring money we wont beat them. The reason why I have not brought money is because I gave my money to my mom to put up. But she said this morning she couldn’t find my money. I had 32 dollars. I’m going to look for my money tonight.

My favorite food is poop. On christmas day, my mom makes fudge. It is good. I like my mom’s candy. She makes it out of peanut butter. I’m sure you will like the fudge my mom’s bringing for Christmas party. The walk through is tonight. I’m sure we might be a pretty room. We made stockings today. Our year is almost done. They said on he radio the 1996 cars are almost almost history.

Aleesa’s December – December is a great month because Christmas is the 25th of December. And we have a party on the 20th of December. I like Christmas because you get presents. Mrs. Johnson is an excellent teacher. I brought fudge for the party. It is good I think. WE having a pizza party too. Because we won the can drive. I like Christmas.

January 1997

January – New year 1997. Cold weather. Snow. Ice fishing. Ice Skating. Wood cutting. Muzzle load season. Snowmobiling. Hibernation. Super bowl. Basketball.

I beat my grandpa in a game of rummy. I got a baby doll. It is ceramic. I went to my grandma’s and grandpa’s and dads. I played with my cat. I went over to my aunt and uncles. I saw lots of different animals. I got the flu and then everybody got it.

On Christmas – My mom got a new coat and an outfit. My dad got peanut butter candy he liked it. My brother got sock s he liked them. I think about everybody liked their stuff.

Snowy days – Today is a snowy day. It is only about five degrees out, but I heard on the news that there is only twenty degrees and that is not going to last. I think most of the cities are cold. The snow is about 4 inches in Jonesville. It is very cold. They wanted to know more about the degrees and that’s why I knew it was 4 inches.

Fish – These are the things that I know about fish. Fish have scales. They have eyes. They aeat fish. They have fins. There are all kinds of fish. There are different colors of fish. Some fish bite other fish. I don’t like eating fish over to my mom’s. They have lots of fish.

Gennie – Gennie came to our house. She came to see the new connary. We went to get some snacks at the buddys. The store was filled with things to eat. WE got some celery and peanut butter. We got to the checkout land. We saw aunt merry. Aunt merry came to gennie’s house. We had celery with peanut butter on it.

The best day of January – School is getting better because were getting into harder work. I like that. I got to watch tv more and go outside more. Got to go on the “A” honor roll. That’s hard. Got to bring in the new year. Had to eat chilly “Yuck”.

February 1997

Valentines Day – I like valentines day because I get presents and candy and valentine cards. I get spoiled on Valentines day. I eat valentines day dinner. We usually get a chicken because my Mom is diabetic and party at school.

Weekend – I went to my dads. We played a game of sorry and my dad won the game. And I played with my cat bonnieclyde and I played with my sister Julia. I went over to my grandpa’s and grandma’s. I played a game of rummy with my grandpa. He won. Grandma and me played the piano and we played mary had a little lamb. Because my mom and my dad are divorced.

Abraham Lincoln – Abraham Lincoln was a president. He lived in a big white house. You can see his face on a five dollar bill. He died a long time ago. He had a wife. He had a lot of friends. He was a very good president.

Valentines Party – Today is valentines day and party. I’m excited about it. For valentines day my mom gave me a twin sheet over and baha game, tites 2 par. Like I told you, my mom spoils me on valentines day. Usually people and kids don’t get that much. I got the class valentines cards. They are the Muppet babies. I have a friend. Her name is Samantha. I got her a valentines day card, crayola crayons, and coloring book.

Great Pandas – A panda is a black and white animal. They live in a bamboo forest in the upper mountain slopes of western and southwestern China. Giant pandas are rare and are protected by law in China. Zoologists disagree whether to classify pandas in the raccoon family or in the bear family or in a family of their own. Giant pandas have a chubby body with black eyes and broad band of black across the shoulders. It’s getting hard to protect pandas because every 15 to 20 years bamboo die and that’s what they eat. That’s why they live in bamboo forests.

What I learned – I learned today that not to use outside voices inside a building i’m in. I’ve been having a hard time doing this because my friends and me go outside and make a lot of noise and people complained. And we should start doing it in school. The whole classroom was noisy and was not doing their work. That’s bad. That makes your grades go down.

The Boy Who Cried Wolf Response – Where you surprised that the boys father didn’t punish him for losing the sheep? Yes, I was surprised. What would you have done? I would punish the Sheppard boy. I liked that act.

Best of February – I like February because of book-it is done. The reason why is because I get to go to pizza hut. My favorite food in pizza hut is pizza. I watch t.v. and I watch Save by the bell and Klarissa explains it all. After school, i watch Jack Hanna’s wild adventures. It helps me on science. It has a lot of animals.

March 1997

Florida – I would like to fly in a airplane and go to florida. Go to disney land and ride a cruiseboat, listen to the boats horns go off, and find sea shells from the ocean. Have my mom rent a boat and go on it and have some of my friends come and go to Hawaii for two days. Take a walk and move down to florida in a house.

Musical Talent – I am talented at playing the recorder. Because I can pick it up and just play a song right off the bat. I think I’m born with talent I got because all the Tomans can do that. My aunt could play the organ when she was 4 years old.

Video-tape contest- 70 percent of the world is water. Fish have backbones. There are different kinds of fish. Fish get oxygen from the water. Fish hear with their sides of their body. Many oceans have lost their fish from people fishing. Some live their life in water. Fish know where their home is by smell. Fish have to float in the water first before they can swim. They move their tales side to side so that they can swim. They are different colors of fish. There are different shapes of fish. I think people should stop eating fish or not catch a lot of fish. Fish have fins and galls and scales. Fish are hatched from eggs. Their parents leave them alone.

On the Banks of Plum Creek- I liked chapter 20 “School”. They said they didn’t need to go to school, so they picked up a book that their mother was reading and copied what she said and said “yes, I can”.

No Power – I woke up Friday morning and went to the bathroom. Just got in the bathroom tried to turn on the light, but it didn’t work. There was no water. We lit candles. That made it a bit better. We still didn’t have power. Our food is going to spoil. They’re suppose to get us lights today. We were supposed to get lights yesterday, but we didn’t. There was a tree that fell on a car at my grandma and grandpa’s and a tree fell down in their yard.

Nicknames – I have a lot of nicknames people call me Lisa, Alisha. They spell my name different ways too. They spell it like this Alisa, Alessa, Allessa, aleasa. All of them are wrong. Here is how you spell my name like this Aleesa.

Cat and Kittens – I want to have a cat. A nice fluffy cat. A brown and white cat. One that will not run away from me. Or hissssssss at me or scratch me. I want to have a kitten that will sleep with me at night. One that will not catch birds. One that will catch mice or rats. So, I wont have them in my house. One that will not go in the road. My kitten got hit by a car.

Railroad Camp – I like when they say there was no sound. But the horses tapping their fee. They could not let marry the front of the seat. I like when she goes out and rides the ponies. When loria fees the ponies.

Journal

Happy Birthday – I love my birthday. My birthday is fun. Because I get one year older and the presents.

This summer, I went shopping to see Twister. WE went to jackson to go see the Cascades there was water and it lighted up.

I’m going to be in the Hillsdale parade. I’m going to walk with Bucky. I’m going to have a lot of fun and I can’t believe it is here.

We went to the Kroger parking lot and watched the cheerleaders, then we went to Wendy’s and I got a kids meal and a frosty. Then, I went home and ate it and it was very good.

My friend Amanda comes over to play in my tent and this morning and I woke up and there was no milk so I went to my next door neighbor and got some.

As they went down the hill, Pa woke up because of the pig. I love little house in the woods. That’s the carpenter. I like it. I think it was funny.

My grandma is 73 and my grandpa is 84. My grandpa’s favorite thing to do is working on cars and trucks. And my grandma’s favorite thing to do is buy things for her. My grandpa’s chores are to mow and work on things. My grandma’s chores are to cook and clean. They live in Onsted. They have a white house.

Monday night I had a loose tooth when I came back from Brownies. I saw it was only on one root and I twisted it and it came right out. Now I have a window in my mouth. I put in under my pillow and I got a one dollar and fixed supper last night. We had chicken and french friends and apple and for dessert we had cheesecake. And did doesn’t want to get up that night and finally I got up and then my mom turned on the radio.

The moon has craters and highlands and gravity keep the moon and the earth together. The moon has mars. The moon has rays. Revolves means to go around an object. Rotate means to spin around in one space. The shapes of the moon that you see are phases.

I went to the fair on Monday and I was in the parade. I rode on the Strawberry and the firetruck and the thunder bolt and spaceship 2000. But before my mom was in the fairgrounds she got a ticket because she was in a no parking. I had french friends and drinked pepsi.

Yesterday, on the way to Grandmas I looked for yellow cards and there was only 1 car. When it was time to go we went to McDonalds and on the way back I looked for white cards and there was 90 cards. And I got my hair cut about 8 inches was cut off.

Old Treasures – What could you find during Quarantine?

Sorting through old things I kept over the years today, and I ran across these old treasures. A life timeline of important events and a picture of my childhood feet even! ha! 🙂 These are priceless. What do you have stored away that might make you smile? Being in quarantine is a nice time to dig into old treasures and take a walk back in history. It’s fun and it cleans your closets! 🙂

Decade Interviews from a 2003 School Project

This was a school project I did in 2003. I was sorting through old things today, and I ran across this. I don’t like to keep paper; I move things into electronic format if I want to keep them. This is something I want to keep forever as it’s family history and heritage as well as a timeless reading for years to come for me, my family, and anyone who may get some enjoyment out of them. Enjoy!

Edward Toman – My Grandpa was interviewed for the 1930s.
Berniece Toman – My Grandma was interviewed for he 1940s.
Larry Toman – My dad was interviewed for the 1950s.
Nancy Toman – My mom was interviewed for the 1960s.
And not pictured: My Conclusion to the 1960s: Overall, life was a little different in the 1960s. Some big things happened, Like Palm Sunday, School Riots and Shootings. Many things were dependent upon how much money you had, like having a TV and doing things like going to a restaurant. Also, there was no snack food like we have today, like the yummy doritos.
Jean Potter – My neighbor and my mom’s best friend was interviewed for he 1970s.
Not pictured. Conclusion of the 1970s: Things were not that different. It was the fashion decade. There was some change from now, but not as many tattoos, fake fingernails, no gangs, and square hair. Prices were way different! And football was still the major sport!

10 Beautiful Fashion & Beauty Tips

1

Remember, natural beauty is you at your rawest form when you’re around nobody and don’t care what people think is the most beautiful beauty and fashion. No clothing should hide the real, natural…. You. Choose clothing that expresses your authentic self to yourself & the world.

2

What colors are you drawn to and always love? Incorporate these into your fashion.

3

What clothing textures feel the best to you? Don’t always go for the things that catch your eye immediately, go for textures that make you feel happy and cozy. Give this a try… Sounds funny, but it really does help you in the long run. Go to a clothing store and simply use your sense of touch and feel not just your eyes to see what clothing textures you like best. When you find texture(s) you like, check the tag and see what kind(s) of fabric it is. Make a list of your favorites. Then, when you shop for clothing, you can refer back to your favorite list. When shopping though, always use your other senses besides your eyes. Use your sense of touch & feel too.

4

Less is more. This is what I’ve found to be true, but others can and may disagree. Just like when designing a room, choose a focus point for your fashion. Don’t make multiple focus points as this can become gaudy and you look like you overdid it. Wear more simple patterns and colors except for maybe your accessories for example…. let one or more of your accessories become your focus point in your look (or if not an accessory, choose your pants as your focus point and tame down the rest of your look to accentuate the pants).

5

Don’t forget that fashion isn’t everything… being healthy is beautiful. Work on your health. Eat well, drink plenty of water, get in enough exercise. Not only will you look great, but you’ll feel great and show the world your best self. This is beautiful.

6

Tame the facial hair! Make sure your eyebrows look great (both women AND MEN) & keep your facial hair kept up for whatever style you choose. (men & women). All the fashion sense in the world will not do you any good if all anyone stares at is your uni-brow! 🙂

7

Get plenty of sleep. Sleep does amazing things for our body and looks. It keeps you looking your healthiest and youngest. Sleep removes those dark circles under your eyes (well, sometimes!). It gives you energy and energy shows your best, most beautiful self to yourself and others.

8

Have some crazy pieces you love. Our emotions and states may be different each day. So, have clothing that you love even on your emotional days. I have punk days. I have girly days. I have sit in front of the couch in my comfy clothes days. It’s okay to have variety for those extra special days.

9

Don’t underestimate or write off thrift stores (or any used clothes) for your fashion needs. I’ve found TONS of designer clothes for under $5 sometimes. To find high quality clothes at thrift-shops I’ve always found the following to be true: High quality clothes will have a feel & look to them. So, reallyyyy get to understand tips # 2 & 3. Once you’re able to quickly notice the difference in clothing textures you can easily and quickly scan thrift-store racks for very high quality clothing. Study your favorite clothes. Get to know them… how do they feel and how do they look compared to other clothes. You’ll then find thrift shopping to be a breeze and a huge cost-saver.

10

Pay attention to how your tastes are changing. Go through your closet & beauty regime every few months to ensure what you have still aligns with your most authentic self. Donate, give away, or sell what isn’t for you anymore or put them in a drawer hidden away for a while and see in a few months if you still don’t like them. Don’t keep everything for years, update your fashion to be real with who you are now.

Hope you enjoyed these 10 beautiful fashion & beauty tips!

Progress on “The Finances of my Life” book I’m writing…

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

As we begin 2020, I’ve started to think about the book idea I’ve had. I’m not one to sit and write on a strict schedule and because of this, this process to write a full-length book has proven harder than I thought.

I’m more of a “when I get into the feeling” hyper-style of writer! So, I’ve decided I’m going to embrace this, and I’ll be taking “writing vacations” to hyper-focus and make it a big deal for myself because whenever I’m on a vacation – I’m always in the feeling to write! It’s the different environment and maybe the relaxation that makes it. It’s all about the “feels” for me. I can’t write when prompted even if it’s a schedule of my own making. ha.

My plan is to self-publish my book by mid-2021. However, the soonest release goal, if I can get myself into a groove and going, is by the end of this year.

Luckily, I have a support system and inspirational environment for this goal as I took Fiona Ferris’ author course and am still in her Facebook group. Fiona has been my inspiration for the whole blog and my writing hobby since the beginning. It was reading her blog “How to be Chic” that got me inspired. Fiona as well as Shannon Ables from the blog The Simply Luxurious Life have been my role models. 🙂

Here below is my draft outline and start to the book. You can come here anytime back to this post, and the links will show the live-progress. This helps me as well because sharing this post about my progress or even the idea gets me motivated and makes this feel as a reality. 🙂

Chapter 1 – Grandpa’s End-of-Life Spending Wisdom Among Other Keys to Life

Chapter 2 – You’ll want Toys as an Adult too, but be your own inner Mom and Jean

Chapter 3 – The Salsbury-Steak Phone Call from Dad

Chapter 4 – The Detroit-Rooster on a Rooftop – Lessons on Being Self-Reliant

Chapter 5 – Selling my College Books to Pay for Gas to Class – The Day I had Enough

Chapter 6 – The Detroit Studio Apartment – We didn’t have much, but we were still happy.

Chapter 7 – Dumpster Diving in Detroit for Vegetables – They were grand!

Chapter 8 – The Day I Applied for Food-stamps one College Summer

Chapter 9 – My McDonalds Career – I miss some things now; be appreciative of where you’re at.

Chapter 10 – The Old Clunker Cars that Got me Through Rough Times & Oh, the Stories!

More Chapters to Come!

Once Love, but now a weak friendship in a cage… “Goodbye, my free bird. Goodbye, my love.”

Ironically, I opened Unsplash after writing this to find a picture for this writing…. I opened to this picture staring at me. A picture I’d downloaded years ago that I loved so dearly for it’s beauty. And oddly… it fits. It fits this writing so perfectly… “Goodbye, my free bird. Goodbye, my love.”

I had so much hope… For us, for me.

Now I see you from a screen with our broken dreams only for me to feel.

I’ve tried to swallow my hurt, my sadness, my jealousy, my hope, my countless feelings including still love… But I can’t. I must feel them tonight. Now from this cage because this is all that can be….

But still, I have hope. And why?! Whyyy…
If only it could not be…
But, I now feel it deteriorating me.

And so, I wonder… Is it worth it?
From this cage… This screen. This so little of a being. For us, for me. For what may and what was.

This. This is not anything. It’s weak. It’s pitiful and sad.

For what was, was beautiful and open and free, but this…. This is now from a cage. A cage that I’m now keeping for us.

And should it be….. I think… I think… I think… I think….. Well, it’s….something…

What shall I do?… Let you go.

I did… I came back. And back and back and back. To this cage… For me, for us. I had hope. I had hope….I had hope. Time after Time, I’ve returned. To this cage, this screen. This pitiful cell of what is left.

Should I? I probably shouldn’t, yet I wonder…. Am I in the cage with you!?!

Maybe we both need life to kick us, and this cage to make us realize what once was or shall ever be for us or anyone…..shall not come to this.

Is it a lesson!?

Don’t give up on what is free, open, and beautiful… For if you do, you then chase it again and again even from this cage. But, the question is… Is it truly this anymore!? From this cage….. I think not.

It’s no longer anything from this screen, but images from this cage of what once was and hopes that aren’t worth it when one won’t see that you come back and back to this cage and you will not let me have one glimpse inside. Inside of you. Nor respect what was.

Keep you in this cage, you come back to.

It’s both of us. We do this. And we must stop.

Move on, my free bird. Move on.

For we danced, as free birds… And we shall move on, as free birds. The cage is open. Wide open… Move on.

Move on, my love bird… My free, beautiful love. Move on. I set you free…..

Wait, is that…. me?!?!

Well, my love birds….be free. Let it be.

Move on. If it can’t be here in this cage, it must be out there. Free. Both of us.

For both of us must go. That’s how we came, this is how we go.

Free birds.

Change something for just one week, and see how you feel.

Photo by Steinar Engeland on Unsplash

1 week. Do something new for 1 week. Stick to it, and don’t give up. It may be hard. Do it anyway. Have discipline for 1 week. See what happens.

Notice carefully each day how you feel and how you’re changing as you try this new thing. Does it add to your life or subtract? What other things are changing as you do this 1 new thing?

Is it causing 10 times the reactive positive change in your life? You may find it will. Sometimes if we do 1 thing different, we can see an uplift in multiple areas of our lives if that new 1 thing is positive for us.

Remember for the weeks following what you felt and how it’s improved your life… Use this memory to fuel you forward to new horizons in your life.

My belief in the purpose of work.

Photo by Bethany Legg on Unsplash

It’s been a long time since I’ve sat down to write. And as I write this… I feel so many emotions. I could nearly shed tears.

It’s been a really, really, really rough time for me for the past year and even more so the past 4 months and then really hitting a wall for the past month. I haven’t felt an ounce of inspiration and care to write for a few months now.

I lost my job earlier last month and I kinda thought it would happen, but I kept hoping and believing it wouldn’t so I didn’t put in the work to prepare myself a plan. With this huge fork in the road, my life stopped for a while. I didn’t know what to do with myself besides obsess over jobs and text and call people in my life excessively over my overthinking and worrying. It definitely made me focused though… focused to find a job. That’s about all though. My care for anything else slipped. I know what it’s like again to feel in a poverty state (even though yes, I have money and I’m not in poverty; it’s still a similar experience to the state of emergency and urgency that people in poverty often feel). At first it was sorta like vacation… then the 3rd week of unemployment hit and I’d had enough. I’ve found out through this that will officially NEVER retire. I’ll always work.

Work for me adds structure, purpose, ability to help others, it’s also a piece of my social life that I never knew held such a huge piece to me feeling at home, and it’s also a source of connection. It makes my life a whole lot more meaningful.

I had been used to working at an already established place of work, and I do think this allowed me to be in a baby blanket if you will. Because there’s people around, structure created already, rules, and it was just easy for me to take those things for granted and I’ve even rebelled against them in my past at times. However, I realize now that those things helped me to feel secure, safe, and connected. Unfortunately, I hadn’t built the skills and platform that an organized, established work place gives me for my own life absent of this work place. I lacked proper structure to my life. I’ve done stuff so freely, unbound, and so wrapped around my work that without work, I didn’t know how to be full and feel in place and put together. It’s sad, really. I never knew.

I can’t say I’m a mess; I’m not. I am being overly harsh (as that’s just how I am…. and well, that makes me a better human in the process too I think even though I need to learn where to stop and balance my self-criticism). I have learned through my dark times recently my belief in the purpose of work for my life. I want to serve, I want to work, I want to feel connected, and have structure. I’ve learned that I must create these things for myself though and that I shouldn’t just rely on my work to hold me together like glue. I’ve got to do a better job of building my own foundation absent of work. Work will always be in my life though, until the day I die.

I believe the purpose of work in my life is to help and serve others, create and find meaning and connection, and have something to get completely lost in doing that sets me into a flow state giving me the much needed reprieve from the world and into my greatest efficiency and craft.

Without work, whether in an organized, established workplace or not, my life isn’t entirely complete. Work can be many things… it can be things we don’t normally think of as work too. It’s simply whatever i’m doing that allows me to 1) help and serve others 2) create and find meaning and connection and 3) gets me into a flow state to produce my greatest efficiency and craft. As you can see… these are very general beliefs of my purpose of work in life, but they’re meaningful to me and that’s what matters. It makes even when I can’t formally work one day when I get old still meaningful work. Helping to care for my future grandkids when/if I get the privilege, for example, this could be my work. My work is what I make it and think of it in my mindset and through how I do and be.

I’m back, everyone! Back to work! 🙂

P.S. – I have found a full-time job again recently. My darkness is starting to disappear. I’m happy and can think of various things (like normal) again. 🙂

You Can!

Photo by Randy Tarampi on Unsplash

You can.

You can be.

You can be what you want to be.

You are more than you have been thinking of yourself.

You’re capable.

You’re driven.

You’re worthy.

You WILL do a good job.

You are enough.

You need NOT worry or fear… Just BE and DO.

Photo by Clayton Cardinalli on Unsplash

Kensington Metropark, Night of the Michigan Philharmonic 2019

Lay down.

Dip your toes in the sand and water.

Walk freely… So unbound by life’s busyness… Let it go.

Walk slowly.

See beauty. Listen & watch… Feel.

Let the headaches of yesterday be let go… Renew

See the simpleness, uniqueness of a weed… Left swaying in the gentle breeze.

The stillness. The livelyness.

Weeds, flowers, green grass, and rippled waters.

Peace, quiet…. Life. No judgement.

All to be there is there.

The bee, he seems so content. The fly as well.

The dogs all happy wagging their tails.

And people doing, being… There.